God Blessed Me with a Wonderful Grandmother

         My world changed on January 23, 2014 when I lost an important person in my life. Since then, some days have been hard to endure. I have been told that time heals the wounded soul and, some days, that seems true. I guess this month has been difficult because her birthday is next week. My grandmother would have been 91 years old.

The “Grandma” Name

For starters, she’s technically my great-grandmother. However, she raised my mom as a daughter since the time my mom was a baby, so to me and my siblings, she is our grandmother. Many grandchildren christen their grandmothers with names like Mimi, Nana, Gran, or Granny. To me, she always has been Gagie. To me, no other name exists; that’s just who she is. I gave her that name. It was a misunderstanding at the time. She helped out a friend named Gaga a lot when I was a baby and there were times I wanted to see her. My mom would tell me, “She can’t come right now; she’s at Gaga’s house.” That’s why I started calling her Gagie.

The Girl on Fire

My Gagie was an amazing person. She was a fiery child – I guess that explained her red hair! She was tough; the original “Girl on Fire.” She used to tell me how she used to run and buck her father whenever he laid hands on her mother. She said her dad nicknamed her “Buck” for that reason. She never liked her father. 

 

As a child, she stood up for her siblings. She once beat up a boy because he bullied her older brother. She also wasn’t afraid to kick boys in their jewels if they did something to insult her integrity as a young lady.

As a child, her mother was her whole heart. She watched as her mother struggled to care for a full house and follow orders from a man who always mistreated his wife. Gagie’s whole world changed when her mom died from cancer, leaving her to endure her childhood and teen years alone with a very mean father. As a teenager, she occasionally stayed with older sisters, and eventually she agreed to marry a close friend. Her friend would become our “Pa Slim.”

The Heart of the Family?

Like any marriage, my Gagie and Pa Slim had their ups and downs. Within it though came my Granny Libby and Uncle Dewitt and, eventually, my mom (unofficially adopting her). I admire how they both had strong personalities, especially when it dealt with standing up for the family. 

A lot of old stories like to center around Pa Slim being the heart of the family while Gagie stood by him as second. But then there are stories told of how she fought a dangerous hog that had my cousin by the leg; and how she held onto my mom when my mom was run over by a speeding car, and I think, “Wow, what a strong woman!” I also think that about how she dealt with the loss of Pa Slim to cancer and had to learn how to make it on her own.

She was Responsible

Several years later, I was born. She was always a part of my life. I never wanted to leave her side. She was my protector. If my parents fought, I would turn to her for comfort. When my dad left, I really didn’t care because I had her. Sometimes that made my mom jealous, but that’s just how it was.

Gagie was responsible for me knowing God. She took me to church. That’s why I’ve felt like I’ve always known God and believe in Jesus. She did that! She made Him a part of my life, and she never made me forget that I was His child.

 

Picking Peas and Beans

Growing up, if I stayed with her during the summer, Gagie would wake me up early and pack snacks and travel to the field to pick peas and beans. It would be so early in the morning that I would stay in the car and sleep until daylight. I would wake up and walk to where she was and notice her on a white bucket. She was an expert at picking vegetables in the field. In no time, she would have three or four buckets full of whatever she was picking. She also had a unique way of using the current bucket as both a seat to sit on and a container to dump the peas in – all without having to get up until it was time to get a new bucket. Gagie also taught me how to catch a chicken and make him my dinner! She also took me fishing!

Home

Trips to Georgia were always special because I always loved going to her house. Just as we would approach her house, my siblings and I would take off our seat belts and prepare to jump out of the car and race to be the first one to hug her. She always knew when to expect us (this was still before cell phones were widely used). 

She would always be there waiting for us on her front porch. Then, she would say, “If you’re ready, I have food on the table.” 

And, of course, her house was always the meet-up spot – relatives would hear that we had arrived and soon her yard would be full of a variety of vehicles.

Battling the Storms

In 2001, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. They gave her a mastectomy and several treatments of chemotherapy and radiation. During this time, she fought a deep depression. My mom and I were her biggest allies, caring for her in her weakest moments. I guess this was when I started becoming her protector. She told me that before her surgery, she prayed for God to not let her die yet…not until I could understand how to deal with it.

We battled many obstacles afterwards. Aside from the depression, she battled through heart scares and strokes too. I have two stuffed toys marking these times: a plush bear I got her after her mastectomy, and a little plush girl (that reminded me of her) I gave her after the heart catheterization. They later were given back to me when she gave up her home and decided to stay with my family. 

Even though she had to endure breast cancer, skin cancers, depression, heart problems, strokes, and eventually Alzheimer symptoms, she fought against feeling sorry for herself and chose to use these moments as testimonies. She always seemed to find a stranger in town and would share how God healed her from these dark times. It was through these moments that her faith became the strongest I’ve ever seen. She never let a moment go that she didn’t mention how God was present in her life.

My Biggest Supporter

Gagie was my biggest supporter on Earth. She was proud to see me finish high school. She was proud to see me become the first in my family to go to college. She was proud to see me become a teacher. She always called me her “heart” and her “little darling.” Sometimes she would tell me, “You’re like my child.” That made some in the family jealous though. Sometimes, I felt like other family members resented me because I had earned that spot in her heart. That didn’t mean she loved everyone less. She loved all members of her family, even those who grew distant as the years grew on. 

She believed in me. You could see it in her smile, and how she looked at me. She believed I could become someone special, as long as I worked hard and trusted in God to provide. She was always encouraging, and I needed that, especially when I had others out there who were always discouraging. She was my role model. She made me love God by showing me that even though she loved me unconditionally, God’s love for me is even bigger and more complete!

The Bumpy, Rocky Road

Just after her 90th birthday, last year, she started getting sick. At first, it was stomach pains. She also slept a lot. Then one morning in December she woke up and was very weak. Her speech was also jumbled. She had had a stroke the previous night and didn’t realize it. The effects from it affected her left side’s coordination. She was too weak to walk. My mom and I helped care for her. (My mom is a superhero, especially in these moments.) 

Sometimes, Gagie wouldn’t eat, so I was the main one in charge to see that she did. I would make her coffee and she would sip it from a straw and say, “Mmm, that’s good.” She loved coffee. Even though she was weak and tired, she always found a moment to smile. She was surrounded by a family that loved her and tried to make her better. Even my youngest brother would try to comfort her by giving her one of his toys to keep her company while she lay in the hospital bed at home.

Eventually, my youngest sister volunteered one of her toys too. I tried to be strong during these moments but they were eating me on the inside. I couldn’t lose her!

She got more tired as January approached. Hospice nurses were involved day and night. Gagie would sleep most of the time. I knew what was going to happen soon, so I worked extra hard writing sub plans for work and gathering copies for the subs I would need. I was so tired. I hated January!

Saying Goodbye

A few days before she passed, I prepared my goodbye. We were told that even though she was asleep, she could hear us – “Hearing is the last thing that goes.” So, I decided to be honest in my goodbye. All week, I tried to hold it all in and let the pain rip me on the inside. I knew I had to express how I felt. So, I told her that I wished she didn’t have to die. I told her that I hate that she’ll never get to see me get married, or dance at my wedding (like she did at my brother’s), or see my firstborn child. I told her I wished she would stay with me – that I didn’t want to be left alone. I needed her to be my hope and my defender.

Then, I remembered that this was how she felt when her mom died. I remembered how she too had to be strong and live, no matter how much it hurt to let go of her mom. So, I told Gagie that I would stay by her side until the end. And, I did. I sat, and sometimes stood, next to her hospital bed. I lost sleep. I got bruises and my ankles became swollen. I held onto her hand. Then, on that Thursday night in January, I read her the Lord’s Prayer (her nighttime prayer) and John 14:1-3 (as the Hospice nurse suggested). Others began singing hymns…In minutes, she was gone. My Gagie was gone.

Living

I made several trips to Georgia since her passing and it doesn’t feel the same anymore. What used to seem like going home isn’t anymore. Every time I go, I’m reminded of how she’s gone. The heart of the family is gone. Words and phrases from people saying, “You’ll see her again in Heaven” and “It gets better with time,” don’t mean anything and only makes me angry. 

What has helped is knowing that God is still with me. I’ve learned to cherish several verses like “The Lord will send His faithful love by day; His song will be with me in the night (Psalms 42:8),” “I will not leave you or forsake you (Joshua 1:5),” “Be strong and courageous (Joshua 1:6),” and “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God.” Whenever I’m sad and lonely, one of these will spring from memory and a peace is there to comfort me. It is as though God is saying that even though He knows I’ve lost someone extremely great, He is there to help me carry on.

Next Friday, Gagie should have been 91 years old. She wasn’t a world leader, a queen, or anyone famous that others will always remember. But hopefully, those close to her will continue to keep her in their memory and pass on the legacy she built while on this earth. During her legacy she: loved God, loved her friends and family, worked hard, and never wasted a moment. In this world, grandmas are special guardians from God. I’m glad He chose her to be mine during her time. Many people don’t realize how lucky they are to have these special guardians in their life. Instead, they sometimes view them as burdens and miss out on cherishing wonderful memories and lessons that are left behind once they are gone. I was blessed to have my grandma in my life. 

 

1923 - 2014

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.” – Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.